Bedsharing Safely with Your Baby

I bet you've heard that sleeping with your baby is dangerous and that you shouldn't do it. We've all seen the "Back to Sleep" campaign, which says the only safe place for your baby to sleep is flat on their back, in a crib.

For many, this is actually true. HOWEVER, it can be safe to sleep next to your baby if you follow all of the rules. This is your guide to figuring out if you can safely sleep with your baby and how to do so. You might find it's best for your family and helps you get more sleep.

Hey there! My name is Kelly Maher Carvell, CLC, CLE.
I offer effective telehealth lactation support and education to modern families.  
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Co-sleep is an umbrella term for many forms of sleeping with your baby. Things that fall under co-sleep are, but are not limited to:

• Having baby sleep anywhere in the room with you on a separate sleep surface, like a crib.
• Having baby sleep next to your bed in a crib, or cradle.
• Using a bed side car to have baby within arm’s reach and physically attached to your bed, while not actually in your bed.
• Having baby sleep in a separate basket which is placed in your bed.
• Having baby sleep in your bed with you
  
  

There are numerous advantages to co-sleeping with your baby and it’s very beneficial when you’re breastfeeding. However, not all forms of co-sleeping are safe for everyone. 

Despite what many people believe, bedsharing can be safe under the right conditions. It is considered safe for non-smoking, breastfeeding mothers who are not obese to bedshare. How is bedsharing safe? Well, first let's go over a few myths involved in this subject. 

Myth #1: Your baby will die of SIDS
First of all, SIDS and suffocation are two completely different demons. Secondly, your baby is actually significantly less at risk of SIDS if bedsharing, or any form of co-sleeping is practiced. Babies greatly benefit from hearing their mother’s rhythmic heartbeat and breathing throughout the night. Newborns are not unconscious breathers like we are. They need to think about it. Hearing you breath is a reminder, and also sets a pace for them. 

Myth #2: You will roll over onto and crush your baby.
You will be surprised how aware of your child you will be! It is completely natural for a breastfeeding mother to create a protective curl around their infant while they sleep, keeping them close to their body. Any time baby stirs or makes a sound you will be in tune to them and wake. Many mothers find themselves actually waking just before their baby, only to then realize their baby was ready to nurse. Talk about hormonal chemistry!

There is an exception to this that must be noted; If you are under the influence of over the counter or prescription drugs which may make you drowsy, DO NOT SLEEP WITH BABY. If you are under the influence of illicit drugs, alcohol, or are sleep deprived, DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR BABY. It should also be noted that ONLY the exclusively breastfeeding mother should sleep with her baby- not the father or anyone else.

Myth #3: You will never sleep again!
On the contrary, you could find yourself sleeping better with your baby right next to you in bed. Both you and your little one can sleep peacefully knowing you are comfortably close. You'll also find night nursing to be a million times easier. Some women, including myself, don't even have to wake up to nurse throughout the night. I wear an easy access shirt and keep one breast exposed, allowing my baby to pop on and off as he pleases while I sleep. Research also supports mother and baby both sleep better while bedsharing.

Myth #4: You will never get the baby out of your bed.
Fostering a secure independence begins with a healthy dependence. Part of this includes sleeping with or near your baby. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends co-sleeping for the first year of life. Especially during the first few months, having your baby in your bed will only help both of you get more sleep. Newborns are also not designed to sleep alone. When they are a bit older, not nursing so frequently , and ready to sleep on their own, it will be much easier to do so when they are not nursing frequently through the night. 

Myth #5: Bedsharing will destroy your sex life.
Have you seen the internet meme floating around that reads, “Co-sleepers do it in the kitchen!”? Well, it's true. Or in the bathroom, shower, on the couch, down the hall, etc. You get creative. (I personally would resent being in a relationship where sex strictly had to take place in the bedroom or on a bed. How boring, right?)

Now that we have gone over some myths, let's go over some do’s and don’ts of bedsharing.

The Do’s of Bedsharing:

1. Exclusively Breastfeed. Unfortunately this means that if you are only partially breastfeeding, or not breastfeeding you should not sleep with your baby.
2. Use just one pillow, behind your head. Remove excess pillows- or anything excess in your bed.
3. Use one light blanket. (I prefer crocheted blankets, since they are breathable).
4. Place mattress on the floor away from walls, or make sure bed is tightly against the wall with absolutely no gaps for baby to get trapped in.
5. Sleep on a firm mattress, not a quilted pillow top. You can read about the Ghost Bed here!
6. Place baby on his back to sleep.
7. Tie up long hair that could get into baby’s face.
8. Wear clothing that fits your body.
9. Dress a newborn baby in weather appropriate pajamas, or sleep blanket.
   

The Don’ts of Bedsharing:

1. DO NOT bedshare if you or your partner are a smoker.  Even if you don’t smoke in the house. Smoke lingers on clothes, on your skin and in your hair. Your baby will inhale the secondhand smoke which will affect their lungs and breathing. It is not safe. However, having baby sleep in the room with you on a separate sleep surface is still beneficial for them, provided you do not smoke in the bedroom.
2. DO NOT consume alcohol or drugs before sleeping with your baby. Most bedsharing deaths are results of parents under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
3. DO NOT sleep with your baby if you have taken a medication, like cold medicine, that could make you drowsy! This is on the exact same lineS as alcohol and drugs.
4. DO NOT sleep with your baby if you are obese. Being overweight can affect your breathing, and may also indent your mattress, even a firm one like the GhostBed. If your mattress sags and your baby turns into you when you lay down next to them it is not safe to have them sleep with you.
5. DO NOT sleep with your baby on a couch or in a recliner. Many mothers will get out of the relative safety of their bed and nurse their baby in a seemingly safer place like a rocker or recliner. Sadly, many infants have suffocated as a result of a parent falling asleep with their infant in their arms in these situations. These types of deaths are classified as co-sleeping deaths. It is unfortunately common, and it skews statistics for bedsharing and makes bedsharing seem like the unsafe option, when that is not the reality.
6. DO NOT leave objects on the floor in the area surrounding your bed. You do not want your baby to roll off your bed and onto the floor on top of an object that could injure them.
7. DO NOT sleep with baby if you have sleep apnea, or are a naturally heavy sleeper.
8. DO NOT allow toddlers or children to sleep in the same bed as a baby who is younger than one year old.

Mothers have been bedsharing for thousands of years, all over the world. It is an instinctive, primitive parenting technique. I hope someday the negative perception of bedsharing in the U.S. will change and it will be socially normal and accepted once again. The links provided are a few of my sources and more reading material if you're interested.

http://cosleeping.nd.edu/
http://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/familybed/
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/scientific-benefits-co-sleeping


How do you sleep? Do you cosleep? Bedshare? Let me know below!

Author

I'm Kelly! As far as credentials go I am a Certified Lactation Counselor (CLC), Certified Lactation Educator (CLE), HUG trained, breastfeeding counselor, a mother of 4 beautiful kids, and advocate for families.  My personal experience with breastfeeding fueled my passion, and generated my mission. I founded Successful Breastfeeding because I saw a need for a better, more thorough, and individualized support for breastfeeding moms- especially working breastfeeding moms! I provide an approach to breastfeeding support that you won't find anywhere else! Breastfeeding is not one size fits all, and breastfeeding support should not be either!Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.